(Mel hits the caps lock key again)

Frank:	--key now!
Mel:	Done! *grinning stupidly*

*pause*

Mel:	I object. I shall not insult my own intelligence while writing in the third person. Let's rewind that.
-------	*yldiputs gninnirg* !enoD : leM	-------
Mel:	Exactly.

(Let's replay)

Mel:	Done! *grinning intelligently*
Joe:	*Standing up and throwing his arms up into the air dramatically* What is the world coming to? First we have to deal with international terrorists and now an insanely psychotic Hardy-obsessed girl interviewer!
Mel:	*lower lip quivering* You're my favourite, you know, Joe... *eyes well up in tears* Is that a chauvinistic statement you're making?
Joe:	*gulps involuntarily* N-no...
Mel:	(aside) Ha! I knew he couldn't resist a crying girl! *dabs tears away and smiles brightly* Sit!

(Joe quickly sits down.)

Mel:	Good boy. *pats Joe's head*
Joe:	I feel like a dog.
Mel:	You'll get used to it.
Frank:	Can we get on with the interview proper now that that's all over?
Mel:	Oh! That's right. Darn near forgot about the interview. *ruffles through a stack of paper on her lap* Okay, first question. Aha! The topic of girlfriends.
Joe:	*eyes shining* Ooh, I like this interview.
Frank:	*eyes glazing over* So do I.
Mel:	*grinning* This is a very friendly topic. First off, Frank-
Joe:	*whines* Why him first?
Mel:	*sternly* Frank. How many years have you been with Callie Shaw?
Frank:	*concentrating hard* Let's see now. When did that McFarlane guy start writing about me? Would have been around then.
Mel:	Wow! That would have gone back to the '30s. That's incredible. Don't you ever get bored?
Frank:	*horrified* What? Bored of Callie Shaw? No! Never!
Mel:	But what about the attraction between you and a certain person that goes by the name of Drew?
Frank:	*shaking his head vehemently* We're just friends!
Mel:	*eyes narrowing* Really?
Frank:	*gulps* Really.
Mel:	*eyes narrowing some more* Oh... really?
Frank:	*voice wavering* Uh... uh... yeah... really.
Mel:	*eyes narrowing again*
Mel:	Wait! My eyes are almost closing! Really!
Frank:	*cannot stand it any longer* All right! What do you want me to say? That I think Callie's getting more and more shrewish by the day and that Nancy Drew gets more and more appealing despite the fact that she already has a dark haired and dark eyed boyfriend?
Mel:	*eyes lighting up* Ah! But I didn't say it was Nancy Drew. It could have been Drew Carey for all you know.
Frank:	*gulps again* No... I didn't say nothing...
Mel:	That's a double negative. Anyway, let's go on to Joe.
Joe:	*beaming a Colgate smile, his blue eyes lighting up in anticipation*
Mel:	*staring into Joe's eyes and drooling* Oh Joe, have you any idea of the effects of your charm on the opposite sex?
Joe:	*grin widening* Yes, indeed I am very aware of that.
Mel:	*running a hand down his muscled arm* Well it's working on me. *growls*
Frank:	Ahem! You got a question for him?
Mel:	Yes! Joe, will you marry me?
Joe:	Wha--?
Mel:	*shaking herself out of her reverie* Uh, I mean, who's better at drinking Bloody Mary? Oops, no, scrap that. Who's better at saying Hail Marys? No! Uh, who would you rather marry, Iola or Vanessa?
Joe:	Neither! I'm commitment-phobic.
Mel:	Erm, ok. Well, who's the nicer girl in your heart? Iola or Vanessa?
Joe:	Hmm... hard choice! Well Iola's been around for like forever, until some maniac blasted her up in the '80s. I was well upset I tell you! Luckily she continued to live in the other series, so I've still got her today. She's been great all this while. All this time together and we never once had to think about the M word.
Mel:	And Vanessa?
Joe:	She's great as well! She's a really modern girl and I love her wit especially. Not many people can keep up with Frank and me. Too bad she existed for only 58 books. Those years were great though.
Mel:	But then she continues in all those stories written by your devoted fans! Isn't that great?
Joe:	Yeah! Plus we all get to meet some new chicks, and even get to change our names!
Frank:	Yeah, Megan's fantastic... *stares dreamily into space*
Mel:	Well, that brings us to the next question. How do you feel about fans writing fan-fiction about your already fictional characters?
Frank:	*shifts uncomfortably* Well... on one hand it's great knowing we have so much support from you lot... *exchanges a glance with Joe*
Joe:	*exchanges a glance with Frank* But we'd really appreciate it if we can get injured less times!
Mel:	*nodding sympathetically* Yes, poor yous...
Frank:	*eyes ablaze* You're a fine one to talk! You struck him down with lightning in your own first story.
Mel:	*taken aback* What-the-fish?
Joe:	*wails* And I haven't gotten back to normal since!
Mel:	But the story isn't finished yet!
Frank:	Then you got me arrested in chapter four!
Mel:	*eyes widening* That wasn't me! That was Joe!
Joe:	*still bawling his eyes out* What-the-fish? Me? How can it be MY FAULT?!
Mel:	*already wide eyes widening some more* Nononononono! Not you! Joe as in HBWGonnabe!
Joe:	*sobbing really hard* She's one of my greatest tormentors! *pauses* Waaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!
Mel:	*eyes still continue widening - hmm, is that possible?* But I love her stories! *pauses* If my eyes continue widening any longer, they're gonna pop out of their sockets!
Frank:	*rushes over to comfort Joe* Hush, little baby, don't say a word...
Joe:	Hwaaaaaaahhhh, hwaaaaaahhhh....
Frank:	*patting Joe's shoulder* Frankie's gonna buy you a mockingbird...
Joe:	I don't want a mockingbird! Hwaaaaaaaahhhhh!
Frank:	Oh, okay. Um, er... Frankie's gonna buy you a whirly-bird!
Joe:	Hwaaa- *stops crying and looks up with eyes shining* Oh, really?
Frank:	*gulps* Really.
Joe:	*giggles in delight* Googoo gaga...
Mel:	Oh, brother! *looks at watch* Holy censored! I gotta go now. I'm having lunch with me mam!
Frank:	*singing* When the wind blows the cradle will rock...
Joe:	*sucking his thumb* Zzzzzzz....
Mel:	So here endeth the first of many disastrous interviews with the Hardy Boys. Stand by for more to come!