Special note: Major thanks to Vinita for being so sporting and having such a great sense of humour... you'll see why later. *tee hee* Anyway, on with the masterpiece! This time, there are some surprise guest stars... And do check out the piccies to see why there's so much swooning all over the place!

Realm I

Part 2

Interview #2



Mel: Well, after the previous interview's rather disastrous result, I am determined this time not to let it happen again. I hereby take a serious vow not to make Joe cry again and not to get on Frank's bad side. I swear upon my freshly cut toenail and the returns of the last excavation of my nose picks...
Joe: *face scrunches up in disgust* Eeew! Gross, Mel! *eyes start welling up in tears*
Frank: *turning an interesting shade of green* I think I'm gonna hurl...
Mel: Alright! Sorry! No crying, Joe, and you, Frank, stop getting upset with me! Fine. I'll swear upon the life of my scabby dog, is that okay?
Frank: (aside) I think she's getting incoherent.
Joe: (aside) I agree with you.
Mel: (aside) Why am I typing Frank and Joe's asides? And talking in aside as well? And calling myself incoherent? And swearing upon the innocent life of my scabby dog? *shouts to the sky* WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!?!?!
Joe: I'm scared, Frank. I don't think we've handled this situation before.
Frank: We'll find a way out of it, I'm sure. We always did in our cases.
Joe: You call this a case?
Frank: Well... maybe not. I call this a desperate situation.
Mel: *walking in circles around her scabby dog and singing* The hip bone's connected to the - thigh bone, the thigh bone's connected to the - shin bone...
Joe: Maybe it's time we enlisted some external help. This is one obsessed woman!
Frank: *exchanging a knowing glance with Joe* You reckon we should get Chet, Biff, Tony, Phil, Callie, Iola, Vanessa and all our other acquaintances?
Mel: *running around her scabby dog, mumbling incoherently to herself* Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill!
Joe: *staring uncertainly at Mel* I don't think it's such a good idea after all. We'll need them to collect our bodies by the time she's done with us.
Frank: But we're immortal, aren't we?
Joe: Um, maybe you are, Frank, but I got killed in a fanfic recently.
Frank: But aren't you here now?
Mel: *panting from the exertion of dashing around her scabby dog* To... be... *huff huff* or... not... to... be... thatistheanswer!!! *pant pant*
Joe: *gulps* I don't even know what I am anymore! *starts crying* Oh, Frank! I'm so ill-fated!
Frank: *starts crying as well* Oh, Joe! I've missed you sooooo much! *turns to the hysterical Mel* This is all your fault!! Now I'm upset, and he's crying!
Mel: *running* Oh censored! I swore not to let that happen!
Scabby dog: Poof! *disappears*
Mel: *still running* NOOOO!!! Censored, censored, censored! I'll have to reverse the swear!
Scabby dog: Poof! *reappears*
Joe: *amazed and stops crying* How did you do that?
Frank: *no longer upset* What-the-fish?
Mel: *stops running and starts smiling* It's called the ultimate author-itarian power! Aka author's license!
Frank: This is worrying, Joe. Very worrying!
Joe: We've definitely gotten in too deep this time, Frank.
Frank: We didn't have much of a choice! She wrote us in!
Joe: You know what? You're right.
Frank: *eyes light up* You know what? I've got an idea!
Joe: *exchanging a knowing glance with Frank* You know what? Let's do it! *pauses* Wait... *scratches head* What are we going to do?
Mel: *fussing over her scabby dog* You poor, poor, dear...
Frank: *whispering* She's got another obsession besides us, doesn't she? That group called Westside or something...
Joe: *whispering* Westlife?
Frank: *nodding vigorously and whispering* So if they get written in...
Joe: *excited and whispering* We can get written out!
Frank: Or maybe she'll forget about us and we can run away!
Joe: *scratches head again* How are you going to get her to do this?
Frank: *smiling devilishly* Watch and learn, brother. *turns to the happily oblivious Mel* Oh, Mel!
Mel: *turning and seeing Frank's devilish grin* Yes, Frank? *drools*
Frank: *smiling ever so sweetly* You know that authoritarian power you were talking about? Can you demonstrate it for us again?
Mel: *smiling ever so sweetly, with saliva running down the sides of her mouth* Anything for you, Frankie dear.
Scabby dog: Poof! *disappears*
Mel: And then -
Scabby dog: Poof! *reappears*
Frank: *clapping hands* Bravo, Mel! Can you do that to real people as well?
Mel: *suddenly unsure* I've never tried you know... but maybe -
Frank: Why not try getting Westlife in here?
Joe: Yeah, we'll love to meet them!
Mel: *starts hyperventilating* Oh, you mean it? *eyes shining* I've definitely got to give this a try!
Westlife: Poof! *appear!*
Mel: This has to be a dream...
Westlife: *in five-part harmony* Hello!
Mel: Westlife! Nicky! Shane! Bryan! Mark! Kian! You're all here!
Shane: *to Mel* Hi, how're ya?
Mel: *swoons in teenybopper fashion* Ffff-fine...
Bryan: *to Mel* Thanks for all your support!
Mel: *swoons again in teenybopper fashion* N-n-no p-p-problem...
Mark: *to Mel* How ya doin'? I'm Myeark!
Mel: *swoons yet again in teenybopper fashion* I'm Mer-mer-myel! *dontcha love Irish accents? :)*
Kian: *to Mel* Hello there!
Mel: *swoons again - in teenybopper fashion. And wonders if so much swooning is bad for health* H-h-hi K-k-k-kian...
Nicky: *to scabby dog* How're ya, luv?
Scabby dog: *swoons in teenybopper fashion and scabs disappear in teenybopper fashion*
Scabs: Poof! *disappear in teenybopper fashion - Huh?*
Mel: *gazes adoringly at Nicky in teenybopper fashion, drools in teenybopper fashion and swoons in teenybopper fashion, thudding to the floor in teenybopper fashion* I'm - I'm f-f-fine...
Nicky: *looks at the unconscious Mel strangely* And hello to you too!

(Sidenote: Nix is my fave in Westlife!)

Frank: Now, Joe! *jumps at the door, only to smack into an invisible barrier* What-the-fish?
Joe: Frank! Are you alright?
Mel: *sits up again; cue evil laugh* Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!! Trying to leave before the interview ends, boys? *grinning maniacally, then turns and sees Nicky* Nicky! *faints again*
Joe: *panicking* F-f-f-f-frank?!?!?!
Frank: uuggghhh....
Nicky: *motioning to the other 'Lifers and the Hardy Boys* What do I do?
'Lifers: *shrug helplessly*
Joe: You could kiss her!
Nicky: *horrified* With all that spit down her mouth?
Joe: She was drooling over Frank here... then you came and the drooling got worse!
Mel: *unconscious* Ooh, I love this! Two of my all-time faves in the same interview and talking with each other!
Nicky: *dumps Mel on the floor. Mel's head hits the floor with a resounding thud*
Mel: *still unconscious* Ow!
Nicky: Well there's no way I'm kissing her anyhow! Besides, I've got a girlfriend!
Bryan: That leaves me out too! Say, Mel, can you do me a favour and write Kerry in the next time?
Mel: *still unconscious* No problem, Bryan. You want her with Mollie or without?

(Sidenote: both Bryan and Nicky are currently attached, and Mollie is Bryan's daughter who's due to greet Planet Earth on Sept 5th.)

Bryan: I'll decide by the next interview!
Frank: *horrified* Bryan, you don't know what you're getting yourself into!
Bryan: No matter, it's Nicky she's obsessed with. She won't do anything to me - or will she?
Nicky: *very worried* We better get out of here, like NOW!
Shane: We can't just leave her here though! Besides, she wrote us in! *picks Mel up, takes one look at her wet mouth and drops her back down. Mel's head thuds to the floor again* On the other hand...
Mel: *still in faint mode* Owww!
Kian: Is she that bad? *moves closer and then stumbles back, kicking Mel's head in the process* Phwoar!
Mel: *still in lala land* Owwwwwww!!!
Mark: *takes a deep breath* Beauty is only skin deep! I'll do it!
Mel: *springs back to life* Oh Mark, you darling! *purses wet lips in anticipation
Mark: Argh! *runs behind the other four 'Lifers*
Frank: C'mon, Joe, before she notices us!
Mel: *eyes narrowing dangerously at the Hardy Boys* You think I didn't know what you were plotting? I wrote it, remember? I just played along so that I could get Westlife in here! *turns and smiles to the Westlife boys* Hold on a moment, sweeties. There's someone here who'd really love to meet ya! *turns back to the Hardys* And you both too!
Vinita: Poof! *appears*
Vinita: *excitedly* Westlife! Bryan! Aaaahhhh!!! *throws herself at the Westlife boys*

(Sidenote: Bryan is Vinita's fave in Westlife!)

Bryan: *eyes bulge out* NOOOOOO!!!! Not a thirty-something-bopper after me?!?!?!
Mel: *lunges for Vinita and brings her down in a flying tackle* Hold on, Vinita! Kit won't be happy about this!
Bryan: Phew!
Frank: Kit? As in my son?
Joe: Kit? As is Frank's son after I got killed? By the way, nice tackle, Mel!
Mel: *blush blush* Aw, shucks... it wasn't nothing...
Vinita: *dazed and staring longingly at Bryan* Kit? Who's Kit?
Mel: *shakes Vin's shoulders* Vinita! You can't be forgetting your husband!
Vinita: *sudden flash of comprehension* Right, right. Girls must be more reserved. Especially when they have husbands.
Mel: *grins devilishly* Ooh, but I don't have any! *hurls herself at the Westlife boys*
Westlife: NOOOOOOOO!!!
Nicky: *acts on pure instinct and catches Mel* Gotcha!

(Sidenote: Nicky used to play soccer at a professional level, and he joined as an apprentice goalkeeper with Leeds United Football Club in England.)

Nicky: *horrified as he realizes what he's done* Oh, censored! HELP!
Shane: *horrified* Nicky!
Kian: *horrified* Nicky!
Bryan: *horrified* Nicky!
Mark: *horrified* Nicky!
Frank: *horrified* Nicky!
Joe: *horrified* Nicky!
Mel: *swoons* Nicky.... *sighs contentedly
Vinita: *stamping foot and whining* But-but-Mel! That's not fair! *sulks and turns around - and notices Frank and Joe for the first time*
Joe: Uh-oh...
Vinita: Frank! Joe! Aaaahhhh!!!! *tackles both boys to the ground*
Frank: NOOOOOO!!!!
Joe: NOOOOOO!!!!
Vinita: YESSSSSSS!!!
Kit: *from somewhere out there* NOOOOOO!!!
Mel: This is a good place to end this interview, no?
G: Poof! *appears* Nicky?!

(Sidenote: G is short for Georgina, Nicky's girlfriend.)

Nicky: G?!?!?!
G: *points to Mel in Nicky's arms* Who is she?
Nicky: *desperately* This isn't what it looks like...
Mel: Hey, what's G doing here?
G: Poof! *disappears*
Nicky: NOOOOOO!!!! Wait! I have to explain to G!
Mel: Ah, no matter. You can do that anytime... *gazes up at Nicky adoringly*
Nicky: *drops Mel in horror and backs away* Oh no, you don't...
Mel: *bangs head again* Ow! *gets up and starts advancing on Nicky and the 'Lifers* Oh yes I can!
Nicky: Uh-oh...
Shane: Uh-oh...
Kian: Uh-oh...
Mark: Uh-oh...
Bryan: Uh-oh...
Westlife: *in five-part harmony* UH-OH!!
Joe: Argh! *struggles free of Vinita* Westlife! Get out of here! Argh!
Frank: *still wrapped up in Vinita's arms* Yeah! Save yourselves from a fate worse than death! Argh, argh, and double argh!
Mel: *laughing maniacally again* Muahahahahahahaha!!! Not until I say so!
Vinita: Yes, go Mel! *ropes Joe in again*
Mel: This is a good place to end, no?
Westlife and HB: AAAARRRGGGHHH! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!


Just an endnote here: No Westlifer or Hardy Boy was harmed in this production. They only proceeded to be mauled mercilessly at the hands of Vinita and myself.
Frank: *crying noisily* And that's supposed to convince people we're alright?
Mel: *shrugs unconvincingly, with Westlife crying in five-part harmony and a very upset Joe running away from Vinita in the background* Well they'll see what really happened to all of you in the next interview, which will be carrying on from here. So they should just stay tuned for more interviews! *pauses* Speaking of which this wasn't really one, was it?

End Part 2

Notice: If you, yes, YOU, would like to be included in the subsequent parts of Realm I, do drop me a note at kenlisa88@hotmail.com Otherwise, comments and feedback to the said address are very welcome!


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